Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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