i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
