Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
try to milk me bitch
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