you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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