He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
