hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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