1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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