You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
this will be a night to untag.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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