she kept yelling 'call me bella'
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
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Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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