so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize