he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
