woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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