this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
