Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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