I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
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Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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