hell yes lets make some ravioli
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
