Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
