Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
