I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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