Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
