I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
