I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just took my morning after pill in the library
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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