he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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