Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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