i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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