Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
