He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
