my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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