maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
