I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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