Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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