So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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