There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
