k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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