I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
