my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
