How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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