just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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