He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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