And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
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You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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