Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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