U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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