Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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