people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
