you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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