I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im six kinds of drunk right now
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize