Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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