ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
