I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
