coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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