if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
