She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
