Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
