whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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