My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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