Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
