I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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