I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
