no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
