Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
