The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
