Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
