Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
